How to Navigate the Holiday Season as a Queer Person
A gentle guide for when the holidays feel complicated
Before we dive in: Rey and the Archive exists because of paid subscribers. Your support helps me write, research, show up, and build the kind of queer community I wish I had growing up. If you value art, queer joy, resources, and community stories, consider subscribing for $5/month. It really does make a difference and keeps this work going. That’s the price of an iced coffee on a hot summer day.
When the Holiday Feels Heavy
It’s that time of year again, friends.
We’re officially two weeks away from Thanksgiving, and with it comes Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and the constant blasting of Mariah Carey in every store and on every radio. Before you know it, we’ll be ringing in 2026, watching the ball drop in Times Square from the comfort of our homes.
Not that there’s anything wrong with celebrating, of course. Except that coming out as trans can completely shift our dynamics with family and friends—and not always in a good way.
Some trans and queer people are met with unconditional love and acceptance. But for many of us, especially those who are also Black, Indigenous, and People of Color, coming out can strain or even sever relationships. Even if you’ve moved away and live independently, you might still find yourself talked into (okay, maybe guilted into) spending the holidays with relatives who don’t respect you.
Next thing you know, you’re standing around with a drink in your hand, shifting your feet awkwardly in the corner of the living room, feeling uncomfortable and wishing you were anywhere else.
Does all of that sound familiar? You’re not alone.
I’ve definitely been there, and it’s not easy to endure being referred to by an old name or a set of pronouns that no longer belong to you. Many of us brace ourselves for it every year, hoping it won’t sting as much as the last time.
But what if this year could be different? What if we replaced those feelings of dysphoria and discomfort with moments of queer and trans joy?
Here are a few ways to rewrite your story this season:
Attend or host a potluck.
Where there are queers, there’s a holiday gathering being planned. If you don’t know anyone hosting this year, consider hosting your own potluck. Invite a few friends or members of your local community to bring a dish. You might find that being surrounded by people who affirm you makes the season feel lighter—and your gathering might be the reason someone else has a good holiday, too.
Find a local LGBTQ+ center or organization.
If you’re craving connection, check out what’s happening at your local LGBTQ+ center or community group. Many host dinners, clothing swaps, movie nights, and support circles during the holidays. These spaces remind us that we don’t have to go through the holidays alone!
If you don’t know your local LGBTQ center near you, you can find it here.
Let creativity guide you.
Holidays can stir up mixed emotions. Channel that energy into something creative. Paint, write, cook, sing, or dance. Art gives shape to feelings that words sometimes can’t, and transforming that energy can make the season more bearable—and even beautiful.
Spend time with someone else’s family.
Sometimes the love we need will come from unexpected places. If a friend invites you to join their family dinner or gathering, consider saying yes. Chosen families are valid too.
Go on a solo date.
Who said the holidays have to be a family affair? Take yourself out to dinner, go see that Broadway show you’ve been eyeing, or book a paint-and-sip class and display your finished artwork proudly at home. You deserve to feel celebrated, even if you’re the one doing all the celebrating.
Create your own traditions.
If you’re healing from religious or family-related trauma, you can create new traditions on your own terms. You don’t even have to call them “traditions.” Maybe you start a ritual instead: hosting a cozy movie night, organizing a murder mystery party, or writing yourself a letter each year about what you’ve learned. The point is to create rituals you can look forward to, creating new core memories.
For me, reclaiming the holidays has meant realizing I don’t have to perform joy for anyone else. I can build it quietly, intentionally, and surrounded by people who see me fully.
How do you get through the holidays? I’d love to hear from you on how you navigate this season as a queer or trans person. Share your rituals, lessons learned, or survival tips in the comments!
Love this so much! Sending you lots of Queer love this holiday!
Hey, elder queers have a rough time too. When the weather sux we're kind of stuck