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🔒 Up next for paid subscribers: I will be sharing about my first date and navigating intimacy as a young transgender person in my 20s.
Background
Did you know the Q in the acronym LGBTQIA+ not only stands for Queer, but also Questioning? Many people don’t know this, but now you do!
Questioning refers to people who are exploring or unsure of their gender and/or sexual orientation. In practice, questioning can range from experimenting with their style, seeking community spaces, or trying new names. However, it’s important to note that not everyone who is questioning will eventually identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Think of questioning as the exploration stage.
If you were to ask trans and queer people, you’ll hear similarities in how they recall the moment that they first questioned their identity, regardless of the intersections that they carry in their everyday lives. That one defining moment that so many of us share, when everything we have been taught by society and family no longer feels true.
For some, questioning began the moment they met the first transgender person in their life. For others, it was clear from the moment they could speak.
In my case, it was the moment I noticed my body going through puberty. Going through changes that went against my wishes, the mirror reflected a body that I didn’t identify with.
Regardless of how we meet the moment of questioning our identity, know that you are not alone in how you’re feeling and that you don’t have to have it all figured out right away.
Reflection Questions
Wherever you are in your questioning journey, here are some reflection questions that you can use to better understand your feelings and experiences.
Create a list of clothing items, hairstyles, names, and pronouns that you have experimented with previously (if any).
How did these make you feel when trying them out?
What didn’t feel right for you and why?
Is there anything you haven’t tried yet but want to?
Imagine you wake up tomorrow as your ideal self. You look over at the mirror and see the person you’ve always dreamed of being.
How would you describe yourself?
How does your ideal self differ from how you currently present yourself to the world?
Think of a moment when you felt most at ease in your body or with your identity.
What was happening in that moment?
Who were you with?
How do your current relationships support or challenge your journey?
Are there spaces (online or in-person) where you can express your gender without fear? What makes those spaces feel safe for you?
What messages did you receive growing up about gender roles? How do those messages align or conflict with how you feel about yourself now?
If fear, judgment, or outside pressure were non-issues, what steps would you take next in exploring your gender?
Remember that these questions are designed to guide you as you explore your evolving identity; it is okay if you don’t have all the answers right now or if your feelings shift over time.
Exploring your gender is about the journey, not the destination. Which of these reflection questions feels most useful to you right now?